Don't bust the zipper

So today, my friend and I went shopping for a girls night out event, all around downtown. We shopped, we ate, we laughed and had fun. It was a great time buying random things and getting free goodies at the participating stores.

However, at one store, my friend and I decided to try on a couple of dresses. And as I'm asking my friend to help me and zip up the back, the Lady says to me be careful and don't bust the zipper... Umm no shit lady, I'm not gona force it if it doesn't fit. I'm not stupid. But thank you so much for pointing out the fact that I'm fat and you think that I'm going to bust the fucking zipper on the dress. It was very rude and it sure as fuck hurt my feelings.

I get it, I'm fat. I'm also handicapped but people don't see that when they look at me. They just see a fat girl and make assumptions. The reason, I needed help zipping up the back is because I can't bend my arm behind me anymore after getting shot in the shoulder which traveled up to the spine in my neck. It really frustrates me when people treat me badly because of my weight. I don't want to be fat, I just am. I would love to have a body that didn't hurt every single time I take step, but I don't. Wanting that is only a dream. My reality is pain, for the rest of my life.

I live in pain every single day so the last thing I want is someone to make me feel bad when trying on a fucking dress. It's a fucking dress! Now, because of that rude sales person, I will always remember how horrible she made me feel.

Today was a blast minus that one moment but that one moment was so very hurtful.

This evening as I scroll through Facebook, I see a post my uncle wrote about almost everyone being out to meet his birth uncle. Recently my uncle has been meeting his whole birth family, I'm very happy he had this opportunity but now our family means nothing to him anymore. It hurts my heart so much to see the way he treats my grama, his mom that raised him his whole life. It hurts my heart that he no longer cares about any of us and acts like we are nothing after growing up together and always knowing him as my family.

Family. He invited everyone else out but me. He's ignored me for awhile now. I shouldn't take offense but I sure as fuck do. Supposed to be my family, supposed to always be there, but now he doesn't care. I thought we would always be close but now we're not. All those times he was such a jerk to me for years on end and I kept letting it go because we are family... Well now I wonder why I even cared because he obviously doesn't.

That's fine. You live your life and I'll live mine but the thing is, is you're being a fucking jerk. There was one time he went through some shit and we all showed up and he even admitted that he couldn't believe we were all there because he would never be there like that for anyone. Welp, it's still true. He'll never be there for the ones who were always there for him.

Sigh.... So much fun was had today, yet my heart is heavy tonight. My feelings were hurt over a dress. So rude. My feelings were hurt over not being invited out. So sad we're not the family we once were.

Tomorrow I'm off to film a movie and let these people go from my life.