Time

As I wait for those brief moments my heart cries out in torture. Missing pieces of my soul just gone. Nowhere to be found except hiding in the past. Never to be whole again. This is what it feels like to be empty. The emptiness consumes. If only. It won't. How much my Gemini needs me but it will never be. We are split. 2 parts of one. Cracked in half. Splintered connections spark within the darkness but there isn't enough light to find the way. I'm lost. I miss me when I am whole. Teardrops escape reminding of what was. If only there was a way. There's not, not today.

I'm angry

I didn't realize how fucking angry I would be once he was released a decade early because our stupid ass fucking Governor made it happen. But I'm mad. I'm pissed. I'm beyond fucking angry. Fuck you, you piece of shit. You don't deserve to be out of prison. Fuck you Governor Inslee for releasing him. Fuck all of you. Fuck! I'm so fucking angry.

It's fine.

It's fine. It's not but it's fine. I have this horrible feeling of just acceptance right now. It's happening. I can't stop it. It's almost here. I hate it. I'm mad. I'm angry. I don't care. I just don't want to think about it. I'm disgusted this is happening. Horrified too. Worried. Hopeful but not. Terrified. So fucking unbelievably fucking angry! So fucking mad. For real. It's just wrong. It's not right. It makes me sick to my stomach. I could literally almost cry. I won't tho. I don't like to cry. So I don't.

He's being released. A car sprayed with bullets. Lifetime injuries that only get worse as time goes on. It seems surreal. He is the whole reason we were all shot. He left. He got guns and his friends. They came back for us. To kill us. I didn't even know them... They wanted us dead. They tried. One gun jammed. If it didn't we would all probably be dead. I can't believe the Governor would release him almost a decade early. Where's the justice for me? Where's the justice for my friends who survived? Where's the justice for the one who committed suicide a few years back? You don't steal justice from a dead man. It's not right.

Nothing about this seems real. I'm not ready for this. I thought there was more time to prepare myself mentally. There's not. It's here. Just a few more days of being safe from him and then it's gone. Goodbye feeling's of safety. Goodbye comfort in knowing where he is. Goodbye justice that was stolen from me :'(