Why is that no matter how things are going I always get hurt? And by hurt I mean badly hurt. It doesn't really seem like other people have as many things happen to them as it does to me... I mean jeeze, come on!!
Being shot 3 times in a drive-by caused so much physical damage to my body, it'll never be the same. My knee, it's sad, always always always hurts so terribly. My hip just aches, sometimes so bad I can't even sleep at night. My neck is just touchy, twist wrong and it's headaches for days. My arm just doesn't have the strength it needs but still works, just not as well as it should.
I've had multiple miscarriages, years ago now but each one still hurts my heart so deeply. I often wonder who they would've been, what adventures we would've gone on, wonder about those moments of just cuddling and loving my little ones, the ones who were supposed to be part of my life but I never got the chance to meet. The battle with infertility after all the losses and never being able to have and hold my own baby, it's devastating.
Countless surgeries from being shot, endless physical therapy for years, another surgery on my uterus where they discovered adhesions and removed as much as they could.
I hate the smell of hospitals. Sometimes I think I can smell the sedatives and it makes me dizzy..
I fell horribly hard on my bad knee right before I was moving to Texas to marry my husband. Tore all the ligaments... More physical therapy. It's still not right, there's a dip right above my knee from the lack of muscle.
My dogs got in a fight, knocked me down and I got attacked so violently. It looked like a crime scene on TV with my blood smeared down the hallway after dragging myself through the door and shutting it, luckily one dog was in the room so it stopped the fight. The nurses in the ER had never seen dog bites that bad before. Some of them met under my skin so when the nurse went to clean it, it shot out the other hole... She screamed. My arms still aren't right from that. This was a few years ago.
Last month my chihuahua had a seizure and latched onto my right hand and seized. There are only 2 puncture wounds but she bit down about 30 times in full seizure mode before I could pry her off with my other hand. I've started Hand therapy for it but it's bad. I didn't realize how hard it is to actually write when your thumb doesn't work. Because of this I've also lost my career in life. As an engraver/trophy builder you need both hands so it's over. My career has ended.
I've had heart ache that I didn't think would ever end, of course it did and I'm much happier now than I could've ever been but I sure didn't know that at the time.
2 weeks after my chihuahua died my 13 year old Pit bull passed from old age and heart break...2 out of 3 of my best friends (dogs) gone, just like that. I miss my puppers more than they will ever know. I love them furrever.
As I tell my story, I know that regardless of all of these things, I will still be a happy, outgoing, adventurous person because that's just who I am. The pain I have endured is part of me and makes me appreciate this beautiful world we live in but sometimes I really just wonder.... When is it enough? Could I please just go for awhile without hurting, having bad things happen to me, pain, sadness, heartache... Please??
