If you feel you can't handle this

Then maybe you shouldn't read it?

Deep in my heart is the girl I was before I became the girl who got shot. She's there, hidden well behind my mask of many faces. Her heart beats in mine and sometimes, every once in awhile, I feel like I can see through her eyes just for a fleeting moment in time. It could possibly just be a memory, a sensory experience on overdrive. That feeling that's so real but is it a dream or perhaps it's reality. I have no idea but I do know that I miss her. A single moment so defining in a world that's never ending. An explosion of intensity so intense one can never be the same. She was there.

She cried out in horror from the sudden blast of pain, wishing her mother could take it all away. Not wanting to die, not wanting to live just wanting to feel relief from the intrusive bullets sprayed into her body. There are not words that can describe the reality of getting shot in a drive-by but if I had to, I would say imagine a 400 lb lumber jack swinging a giant mallet at you and hitting you repeatedly.... Only the pain doesn't stop it just increases after the impact.

Such a loss of what my reality was at the time. No longer able to just get up and go... No longer able to kneel.. Run... Walk without pain... No longer able to feel safe... Always Scared... Hurt.... Scarred for life...

Somehow tho... the girl I used to be became the girl I am today, Sabrina the girl who got shot. I became a survivor. It has been a struggle through the surgeries, physical therapy and just becoming used to the new person I was forced to become. A strong, independent, I can handle anything kinda girl. I'm the kind of girl who looks at life as a blessing. We've only got this time we're in right now to enjoy this amazing world we live in. I want to enjoy every single day to the fullest.

So here I am going on adventures and loving this crazy life of mine with so many opportunities to get out there and just have fun! Each of my emotions is part of who I am and who I am is an amazing person with endless possibilities from one moment to the next.