The girl who got shot

As I lay here writing this, my eyes are red, puffy and I've been uncontrollably shaking from the memories of being shot. Sometimes you just shouldn't Google yourself. So many articles. My curiosity took me there, maybe I should've stopped after the first article. I didn't. I read them all. My heart hurts for the girl I used to be, for the survivor I was forced to become.

In one article I was quoted as saying 'sometimes I just wished I was dead' that wasn't because I wanted to be, it was because the pain was so great and so intense it would've been easier. I also said 'he ruined me life' which is true. The life I had is gone and can never be gotten back. Let's make no mistake tho, I am very happy to be alive, I just miss her... The girl I used to be.

The amount of pain and suffering I've endured is so much more than any person ever should. It's been 19 years, over half my life since that horrific night. Yet, it feels like it was just yesterday.... I can feel it... I can hear it..... It never stops

Shot 3 times in a drive-by. 9mm with armor piercing bullets. Right knee, left hip, entered in my shoulder and stopped on my spine in my neck. Even when I write this it's hard to believe that's me. The girl who got shot.

My tears have finally stopped, for now. They'll be back again someday, I never know which day tho. That's always a surprise for me. I'll be going along great not letting it get to me, even with the everyday pain and then randomly, it's there changing my happy moments to memories of terror and excruciating pain.

Every single thing I do, no matter what is going on, the fact that I got shot is always there with every single step. Whether I'm walking or sitting, I can feel it. To be able to feel the difference at all times, to have the knowledge of what my body used to feel like and no longer does, that makes my heart drop so fast.

Tomorrow is a new day but I will still be the girl who got shot, living in pain each day for the rest of my life. Regardless of that pain tho, there is one thing that I have now that I didn't have before I became the girl who got shot, that's the ambition to live each day as if it were my last because you never know, there's always a chance of getting shot in a drive-by and not making it.